Don't Throw Your Love Lite on Me Baby Cause if You Do Then Maybe Maybe
Jordan Belfort: Let me tell you something. There'south no dignity in poverty. I have been a rich man and I have been a poor man. And I cull rich every fuckin' time. Because, at least as a rich man, when I have to confront my problems, I show up in the dorsum of the limo, wearing a $2000 suit and a $40,000 gilded fuckin' lookout.
Marker Hanna: The name of the game, moving the money from the client'southward pocket to your pocket.
Jordan Belfort: But if you can make your clients coin at the same time it's advantageous to anybody, right?
Mark Hanna: No.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: My name is Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort. I'm a former member of the eye class raised past ii accountants in a tiny apartment in Bayside, Queens. The year I turned 26, as the head of my own brokerage firm, I fabricated $49 million, which really pissed me off because it was three shy of a million a week.
Jordan Belfort: Brad, prove them how information technology's washed. Sell me that pen. Watch. Go on.
Brad: You lot desire me to sell you lot this fucking pen?
Jordan Belfort: That'southward my boy correct there. Can fucking sell anything.
Brad: Why don't you exercise me a favor. Write your name downwardly on that napkin for me.
Jordan Belfort: I don't have a pen.
Brad: Exactly. Supply and demand, my friend.
Jordan Belfort: [Wakes up on aeroplane; finds he is restrained by a seatbelt across his chest] Oh, Jesus Christ. Fuck. Donnie. Donnie, this isn't... this isn't funny, you lot gotta untie me, buddy.
Donnie Azoff: I can't untie you! The captain tied you up, he about fuckin' tasered you lot!
Jordan Belfort: Why?
Donnie Azoff: Why? You were, like, screaming at people. Yous were on the floor rollin' around and shit.
Jordan Belfort: Oh, Jesus.
Donnie Azoff: Y'all called the captain the n-word.
Jordan Belfort: I called the captain the northward-word?
Donnie Azoff: Yeah, he was very upset.
Jordan Belfort: Really?
Donnie Azoff: Luckily we're in first class. Jesus Christ. I think you lot have a fuckin' drug problem.
Jordan Belfort: On a daily basis I swallow enough drugs to sedate Manhattan, Long Island, and Queens for a month. I take Quaaludes ten-15 times a 24-hour interval for my "back hurting", Adderall to stay focused, Xanax to accept the edge off, pot to mellow me out, cocaine to wake me back up again, and morphine... Well, because information technology's awesome. Only of all the drugs under God'due south blue sky, here is i that is my accented favourite. See, enough of this shit will make yous invincible - able to concur the world. And eviscerate your enemies.
[Sniffs cocaine]
Jordan Belfort: And I'm not talking almost this... I'1000 talking near this.
[Shows 100$]
Marker Hanna: You gotta stay relaxed. Practise y'all jerk off?
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: What? Do I jerk off? Aye. Yeah, I jerk off. Yeah.
Marking Hanna: How many times a week?
Jordan Belfort: Like, um, iii or four. Three or four times, mayhap five.
Mark Hanna: Gotta pump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers in this racket. I myself, I wiggle off at to the lowest degree twice a day.
Jordan Belfort: Wow.
Mark Hanna: Once in the morning, right after I work out. And then once right after dejeuner.
Jordan Belfort: Really?
Mark Hanna: I want to. That's not why I do it. I exercise it cause I fuckin' need to.
Max Belfort: $430,000 in one month, Jordy. Huh?
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: They're business expenses.
Max Belfort: Jordy, look what y'all've got here. Look at this! $26,000 for ane fucking dinner!
Jordan Belfort: No, no, this can exist explained. Dad, we had clients, Pfizer clients. Champagne.
Nicky Koskoff: The porterhouse from Argentine republic.
Jordan Belfort: Expensive champagne and the what, nosotros had to buy champagne.
[to Donnie]
Jordan Belfort: And yous brought in all the sides... Tell him about the sides.
Donnie Azoff: I ordered the sides, so...
Max Belfort: Sides? Sides? $26,000 worth of sides? What are these sides? They cure cancer?
Donnie Azoff: The sides did cure cancer, that's the problem, that's why they were so expensive.
Jordan Belfort: [bursting into laughter] Shut the fuck up!
Donnie Azoff: I'm serious.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: People say shit... I mean like, yous married your cousin or some stupid shit.
Donnie Azoff: Yeah, my married woman is my cousin or whatever, merely it's not like what y'all remember.
Jordan Belfort: Is she like, a first cousin?
Donnie Azoff: Her father is the blood brother of my mom. Like, we grew upward together, and she grew up hot, y'all know, she fucking grew up hot. And all my friends are trying to fuck her, you know, and I'm not gonna let one of these assholes fuck my cousin. So I used the cousin thing, as like, an in with her. I'm non like, gonna let someone else fuck my cousin, you know? If anyone's gonna fuck my cousin, it's gonna exist me. Out of respect.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: [to the waiter] Oh, I'1000 good with water for at present.
Mark Hanna: It'south his starting time twenty-four hour period on Wall Street. Requite him fourth dimension.
Jordan Belfort: Oh my God! You had to deal with the Golf Course people besides! What a greek tragedy! Love oh my God!, you probably had to pay them in cash with your hands! What a fucking burden, and actually had to do some work besides swiping my fucking credit bill of fare all day? Huh? Cause I can't proceed runway of your professions honey! Last month yous were a wine connoisseur, and at present you're an aspiring landscape architect, Isn't that right?
Naomi Lapaglia: Fuck yous!
Jordan Belfort: Don't you dare throw that fucking water on me! Don't y'all fucking cartel!
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: I heard some stupid shit. I... I didn't fifty-fifty desire to bring it upwardly. Information technology'due south just... stupid.
Donnie Azoff: Shit with me?
Jordan Belfort: Yous know, just... people say shit. I don't even know. I don't even listen to it half the time.
Donnie Azoff: What do they say?
Jordan Belfort: Shit about you and your cousin or something like that. I don't even mind to it. Information technology doesn't even...
Donnie Azoff: No... it'south not like that. It'due south not like that.
Jordan Belfort: You know what I mean? Like you married your cousin or some stupid shit, you lot know?
Donnie Azoff: Aye, my married woman... yeah, my married woman is my cousin or whatever. Just it's not like what y'all remember or whatever, you know...
Jordan Belfort: Is she like a... offset cousin, or is she...
Donnie Azoff: Yeah, no. She... yous know, her... her male parent is the... is the brother of my mom.
Jordan Belfort: Mhm.
Donnie Azoff: Information technology's not like... Look. We grew upwardly together, and she grew up hot, you know. She fuckin' grew up hot and all of my friends were trying to fuck her, you know, and I wasn't... I'm not gonna let someone, you know, i of these assholes fuck my cousin. So I, you lot know, used the cousin thing every bit similar... similar an in with her. I'm not gonna permit someone else fuck my cousin, you know? If anyone is gonna fuck my cousin information technology's gonna exist me, out of... out of respect, you know?
Jordan Belfort: No, I become it, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you're not afraid of like the whole kid thing, right? Like the whole...
Donnie Azoff: What, if the kid'due south retarded?
Jordan Belfort: Yes.
Donnie Azoff: No, we have two kids.
Jordan Belfort: And they're... I mean, I don't desire to get personal or annihilation, just are they okay?
Donnie Azoff: No, they're not retarded or anything like that...
Jordan Belfort: But there'south a big chance, right? The whole...
Donnie Azoff: Yeah, in that location'south similar a threescore percentage, you know... 60, 65 per centum adventure the kid'south gonna be fuckin' retarded or whatever...
Jordan Belfort: That'd scare the shit out of me, buddy.
Donnie Azoff: Look, human... a lot of having a child or whatsoever takes risk, whether you're fuckin' cousins or not, you lot know...
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: What if... what if you... I hateful, what if something like that happened?
Donnie Azoff: Well, basically, you know, if the child was retarded I would... I would, y'all know, drive it up to the country and just like, you know, open the door and let it... say "You're free now!" You lot know? Like, "Run gratis!" Y'all know?
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: [narrating to the photographic camera] An I.P.O. is an initial public offering. It's the first time a stock is offered for auction to the full general population. Now as the firm taking the company public, we fix the initial sales cost then sold those shares right back to our friends. Nevertheless...
[stops and chuckles]
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Look, I know you're not following what I'm saying anyway, right? That'southward... that's okay, that doesn't affair. The real question is this: was all this legal? Absolutely fucking not. Just nosotros were making more money than we knew what do with.
Donnie Azoff: I'll tell you what: I'm never eating at Benihana again. I don't care whose altogether it is.
Donnie Azoff: How much money you brand?
Jordan Belfort: $70,000 last calendar month.
Donnie Azoff: Go the fuck outta here!
Jordan Belfort: Well, technically, $72,000 last month.
Donnie Azoff: You show me a pay stub for $72,000, I quit my chore right now and work for you.
[later, on the phone]
Donnie Azoff: Hey Paulie, what's up? No, everything's fine. Hey, listen, I quit!
Jordan Belfort: The only matter continuing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you lot can't achieve it.
Jordan Belfort: This right hither is the land of opportunity. This is America. This is my abode! The show goes on!
[quoting Norma Rae]
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: They're gonna need to send in the National Guard to take me out, cos I ain't going nowhere!
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: [property his child] Does Daddy get a kiss from both of his little girls?
Naomi Lapaglia: Oh, no. No, Daddy doesn't even get to affect Mommy for a very, very... very long time.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Daddy's actually distressing about what he said in the other room, he didn't mean any of it!
Naomi Lapaglia: Daddy shouldn't waste his fourth dimension. And from now on... information technology'south gonna be nada only short, short skirts effectually the house. And you know something else, Daddy? Mommy is but so sick and tired of wearing panties.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Aye?
Naomi Lapaglia: Yeah.
Naomi Lapaglia: [pushes him away with her legs] But no touching.
Jordan Belfort: Oh, gosh.
Patrick Denham: Most of the Wall Street jackasses that I bust, they're to the manor born. Their fathers are douchebags, only like their fathers before them. But y'all... You, Jordan, you got this way all on your ain.
Jordan Belfort: Did I?
Patrick Denham: Healthy, little man.
Jordan Belfort: Little man?
[laughs]
Jordan Belfort: Me, the piffling human?
Patrick Denham: Let me tell you lot something else. Honestly, I'm non bullshitting hither, this is one of the nicest boats that I've ever been on. I gotta tell you.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: I bet it is.
Patrick Denham: And yous wanna know what I was just thinking also? The fucking hero I'thou gonna be back at the office when the Bureau seizes this fucking gunkhole. Because, I mean, fuckety fuck fuck, Jordan, look at this thing! Information technology's beautiful! And you got the cute girls at that place. It'south wonderful.
Jordan Belfort: [laughing] All right, become the fuck off my boat.
Patrick Denham: I'thousand certain nosotros'll be seeing each other real soon.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: I'm sure. Good luck on that subway ride dwelling to your miserable, ugly fucking wives. I'm gonna have Heidi lick some caviar off my balls in the meantime.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: See those trivial black boxes? They're called telephones. I'm gonna let you lot in on a piffling hush-hush well-nigh these telephones. They're not gonna dial themselves. Okay? Without y'all, they're just worthless hunks of plastic. Similar a loaded M16 without a trained marine to pull the trigger.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: [dubious] Southward-so if I, if I sell a stock at $x,000, my committee is 5,000 bucks.
Dwayne: If you sell $x,000 worth of this stock, I will personally requite you a blowjob for free
[Jordan laughs]
Dwayne: ... and I promise information technology happens.
[both express mirth]
Jordan Belfort: My married woman, Naomi, the Duchess of Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. A former model and Miller Lite daughter. Aye. She was the one with my cock in her rima oris in the Ferrari, and then put your dick back in your pants.
Donnie Azoff: I check my letters every day when I come home from work... my answering machine... zero! I got a blinkling light because I don't take shit from you. I got my wife... I got my wife checking the messages every forty-v minutes calling the part saying. "Has Brad apologized nevertheless? Is in that location an apology message on the car?" I don't have jack-shit. You know what? That'southward non how you treat people.
Brad: Y'all gotta exist a fucking pal... Y'all know what, I'k gonna give y'all a fucking laissez passer, just give me the case.
Donnie Azoff: Yous're gonna give me a pass?
Brad: Look, it'southward a figure of fucking oral communication, just give me the fucking...
Donnie Azoff: Oh my God, the emperor of Fucksville came down from Fucksville to give me a laissez passer! Hey, what are the citizens of Fucksville doing today when their emperor's gone? Is it, is information technology mayhem? Are people annexation and raping? What are all the piddling fuckheads doing while yous're hither?
Jordan Belfort: So you heed to me and y'all listen well. Are y'all backside on your credit carte bills? Good, option upwards the telephone and start dialing! Is your landlord ready to evict you? Proficient! Pick upward the telephone and start dialing! Does your girlfriend call back you lot're a fucking worthless loser? Good! Pick up the telephone and start dialing! I want you to deal with your bug past condign rich!
Donnie Azoff: I got a couple of mil' comin' in like a week. And when information technology gets in, I'll give y'all a call and yous come pick information technology up.
Brad: You'll give me a call?
Donnie Azoff: When it gets here, I'll give yous a call and you'll come pick it up.
Chantalle: Well, we don't piece of work for you lot, human!
Donnie Azoff: Sweetheart, you have my money taped to your tits. Technically, you practice work for me.
Donnie Azoff: Jordan, information technology's fucking adept, right? It'due south fucked upwardly.
[laughing hysterically]
Jordan Belfort: GET OFF THE PHONE! GET OFF THE PHONE! FBI!
[swipes at Donnie]
Donnie Azoff: Hey! I'thou on the phone!
Jordan Belfort: Donnie and I were going out on our own. And the first matter nosotros needed was brokers. Guys with sales experience. And then I recruited some of my home town boys. Bounding main Otter, who sold meat and weed. Chester, who sold tires and weed. And Robbie, who sold annihilation he can get his hands on, mostly weed. This is Brad, and Brad is the guy I really wanted. But he didn't go along with us. He was making so much money selling Quaaludes that he go the Quaalude King of Bayside.
Jordan Belfort: [when asked who is Captain Ahab] The book, motherfucker, the volume!
Jordan Belfort: You wanna know what money sounds like? Go to a trading floor on Wall street. "Fuck this, shit that. Cunt, erect, asshole." I couldn't believe how these guys talked to each other! I was hooked in seconds. Information technology was like mainlining adrenaline.
Mark Hanna: So if you've got a customer who bought stock at eight and now it's at 16 and he's all fucking happy, he wants to cash in and liquidate, take his fucking money and run home, you don't let him do that... 'crusade that would make it real.
Naomi Lapaglia: Wake up, you piece of shit! Who's Venice?
Jordan Belfort: Who?
Naomi Lapaglia: Huh?
Jordan Belfort: Who? Who?
Naomi Lapaglia: Who? What are you, a fucking owl? Who is she? Some little hooker you were fucking last night?
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: What the fuck are yous talking nearly? No. No way, baby, no!
Naomi Lapaglia: You were calling her proper noun in your sleep!
Jordan Belfort: Are yous out of your fucking mind? I don't even know who Venice is. What the fuck does that fifty-fifty hateful? Venice. That's the stupidest shit I've e'er heard in my fucking life!
[after flashback of sex with Venice]
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: That'south correct. That'south right, I forgot. Donnie and I were investing in a condominium complex in Venice. That's why all this confusion.
Naomi Lapaglia: Oh, you're investing in Italy?
Jordan Belfort: Non Italy. California, babe!
Naomi Lapaglia: Oh, California? You're a lying piece of shit!
Jordan Belfort: Duchess, baby, come on!
Naomi Lapaglia: Don't you fucking Duchess me! Don't yous Duchess me! Do you actually call up that I don't know what you're up to? Y'all're a father now, Hashemite kingdom of jordan.
Jordan Belfort: Yeah! I know.
Naomi Lapaglia: Y'all're a father now. And you're nonetheless acting like an babe!
[throws h2o in his face]
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: FUCK! GODDAMN It! Infant, you know yous got real anger issues.
Naomi Lapaglia: Who is the i who flew in here at 3:00 in the morn on their stupid helicopter and woke up Skylar? That was y'all! Doesn't even thing to y'all! Does it even affair to y'all that I just had that driving range sodded with Bermuda grass, Hashemite kingdom of jordan, and now you lot fucking wrecked it!
Jordan Belfort: Oh, Bermuda grass.
Naomi Lapaglia: No, you didn't inquiry the whole thing and deal with the fucking golf class people!
Jordan Belfort: Oh my God! You had to deal with the gold form people, besides! What a Greek tragedy love! Oh my God! Y'all probably had to pay them in cash with your easily! What a fucking burden! And really do some work too swiping my fucking credit card all day, huh? Because I can't keep track of your professions, love. Last calendar month you lot were a vino connoisseur, at present you're an aspiring landscape architect. Let me get that right.
Naomi Lapaglia: Fuck y'all!
Jordan Belfort: Don't fucking dare throw that fucking water at me. Don't you fucking dare.
Max Belfort: Jordy, one of these days the chickens are gonna come home to roost.
Jordan Belfort: You're lookin' at me like I'm crazy.
Max Belfort: Crazy? This is obscene!
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: [voice over] Information technology was obscene, in the normal earth. I mean, who the fuck wanted to live there?
Donnie Azoff: [peeing on his subpoena] Fuck you, U.s.A. Fuck you, U.s.a.A. Fuck y'all! Fuck you lot!
Naomi Lapaglia: I want a divorce.
Jordan Belfort: What do you mean you lot want a divorce? What is that supposed to mean, y'all want a divorce?
Naomi Lapaglia: Get off me! I want a divorce. Go off.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Yous just made love to me. What the fuck is wrong with y'all?
Naomi Lapaglia: I don't love you anymore, Hashemite kingdom of jordan!
Jordan Belfort: Oh, you don't dearest me? You lot don't dear me anymore, huh? Well isn't that merely fucking convenient for you! Now that I'k under federal indictment with an electronic bracelet around my ankle, now you lot determine you don't fucking dear me anymore. Is that right?
Naomi Lapaglia: No, no.
Jordan Belfort: What kind of person are you? Tell me.
Naomi Lapaglia: You married me!
Jordan Belfort: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Naomi Lapaglia: Jordan, this is how it's gonna go. I'yard gonna have custody of the kids. If you agree to the divorce right now, I will let visitation. Okay? Don't try to fight it.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Oh my God.
Naomi Lapaglia: It will save usa both a lot of money and I got a feeling you're gonna need it.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Y'all're not taking my kids, sweetheart. Y'all hear me?
Naomi Lapaglia: I've already talked to the lawyer. He said even if y'all don't go convicted I've got a good hazard of getting them.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: I got news for yous. Y'all're not fucking taking my children you vicious fucking cunt, you!
[Naomi slaps Hashemite kingdom of jordan and he slaps her dorsum]
Jordan Belfort: Fuck y'all! You lot fucking bitch! You're non fucking taking my goddamn fucking kids! Y'all hear me? Fuck yous! Yous're not fucking taking my fucking kids! Fucking whore.
Naomi Lapaglia: [Sees Hashemite kingdom of jordan snorting cocaine] Look at yourself, Jordan. Yous're sick! You're a sick human being!
Jordan Belfort: Fuck you lot! I told you, you lot're not taking my fucking kids.
Naomi Lapaglia: You retrieve I would let my kids near you? Look at yourself! You know what my lawyer said? My lawyer said that yous're going to prison for 20 years, Jordan! Xx fucking years! You're never gonna see the kids again! No, I'1000 non fucking letting you lot most my kids!
Jordan Belfort: You don't remember I'm gonna encounter my fucking kids again, huh?
[concluding lines]
Jordan Belfort: I'm not aback to admit information technology: my first fourth dimension in prison house, I was terrified. For a moment, I had forgotten I lived in a world where everything was for sale. Wouldn't y'all like to know how to sell it?
Marking Hanna: Number one rule of Wall Street. Nobody - and I don't intendance if you're Warren Buffet or if you're Jimmy Buffet - nobody knows if a stock is going to get upward, down, sideways or in circles. Y'all know what a fugazi is?
Jordan Belfort: Fugayzi, it'southward a fake.
Mark Hanna: Fugayzi, fugazi. Information technology's a whazy. It's a woozie. It'due south fairy dust. Information technology doesn't exist. It's never landed. It is no affair. It'due south not on the elemental nautical chart. It's non fucking real.
Jordan Belfort: After 15 years in storage, the lemmons had developed a delayed fuse. It took xc minutes for these fuckers to kick in but once they did, *pow.* And I had skipped the tingle stage and jumped directly to the drool phase. These little bastards were then strong I had discovered a whole new phase. The Cerebral Palsy phase.
Jordan Belfort: Fifty-fifty though I ain 85% of Steve Cocksucking Motherfucking Madden Shoes, the shares were in his fucking name!
Patrick Denham: I'thousand sure we'll exist seeing each other real before long.
Jordan Belfort: I'yard sure. Skilful luck on that subway ride home to your miserable ugly fuckin' wives. I'one thousand gonna have Heidi lick some caviar off my balls in the meantime.
Max Belfort: [hears a telephone] Who the fuck has the goddamn gall to call this house on a Tuesday nighttime? God damn it!
Leah Belfort: [watching Idiot box] You're gonna miss information technology!
Max Belfort: Tell me something I don't know, I await all week for the fucking Blaster and they have to fucking...
[picks up the phone, then calmly, in a transatlantic accent]
Max Belfort: Howdy?... Jean? How are you, Jean?... Righto, Jean, that'll be corking... Cheerio!
[Hangs upwards. Explodes]
Max Belfort: Fucking half-wit!
Leah Belfort: Yous missed it!
Max Belfort: [Furious] God damn it!
Jordan Belfort: [Furious about paper article] That conniving twat! Expect at this! The wolf of Wall Street they call me! Look!
Teresa Petrillo: In that location is no such thing as bad publicity. Your hair looks skillful.
Jordan Belfort: Hi, John. How are yous doing today? You mailed in my company a postcard a few weeks back, requesting information on penny stocks that had huge upside potential with very little downside risk. Does that ring a bell?
John: Aye, I may take sent something.
Jordan Belfort: Okay, bully. The reason for the call today, John, is something simply came across my desk, John. Information technology is perhaps the best thing I've seen in the last six months. If you have threescore seconds, I'd similar to share the idea with yous. You got a minute?
John: Actually, I'chiliad really very...
Jordan Belfort: The proper name of the company, Aerotyne International. Information technology is a cutting edge high-tech firm out of the Midwest, awaiting imminent patent approval on the adjacent generation of radar detectors that have both huge military machine and civilian applications. Now, correct at present, John, the stock trades over-the-counter at x cents a share. And by the way, John, our analysts indicate it could go a heck of a lot college than that. Your profit on a mere $6,000 investment could be upwards of $60,000!
John: Jesus! That's my mortgage, homo.
Jordan Belfort: Exactly. Yous could pay off your mortgage.
John: This stock will pay off my house?
Jordan Belfort: John, one thing I can promise you, even in this market, is that I never ask my clients to judge me on my winners. I ask them to judge me on my losers, because I take and so few. And in the case of Aerotyne, based on every technical factor out there, John, nosotros are looking at a m slam home run.
John: Okay, let'due south do it. I'll practice four m.
Jordan Belfort: $4,000? That'd exist 40,000 shares, John. Let me lock in that trade right at present and get back to you with my secretary with an verbal confirmation. Sound expert, John?
John: Yeah, sounds good.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Groovy. Hey, John. Thank you for your vote of confidence and welcome to the Investor'south Center.
Jordan Belfort: Every person effectually here, they want to get rich and they want to become rich quickly. They all want something for nothing.
Alden Kupferberg: There was this ane time I was selling pot to this Amish dude. You know those guys who got like the bristles with, like, no mustache or some bullshit? Well, he says that he but wants to make furniture.
Robbie Feinberg ('Pinhead'): I don't understand
Jordan Belfort: What the fuck are yous talking nearly?
Alden Kupferberg: I'm not putting words in your mouth or null, but you just said that everybody wants to become rich.
Robbie Feinberg ('Pinhead'): Holy fuck, yous did only say that.
Jordan Belfort: What the fuck are yous talking almost?
Alden Kupferberg: Aye, like Buddhists. They don't give a shit nigh money. They're wrapped in sheets. They're not buying shit.
Jordan Belfort: I'yard not talking well-nigh Buddhists or Amish. I'm talking most normal people, working-class everyday people. Everyone wants to become rich. Am I crazy?
Chester Ming: There'southward no such matter as an Amish Buddhist. I'm pretty fucking sure.
Robbie Feinberg ('Pinhead'): At that place could be.
Jordan Belfort: Do you guys not desire to make money?
Alden Kupferberg: [All at once] I want to make money.
Marking Hanna: Y'all jerk off?
Jordan Belfort: Do I... Do I I jerk off? Yeah, yeah I jerk off. Yes.
Mark Hanna: How many times a week?
Jordan Belfort: Like, um, three or iv. Iii or 4 times, maybe five.
Mark Hanna: Gotta pump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers in this dissonance. I myself, I jerk off at least twice a twenty-four hour period.
Jordan Belfort: Wow.
Mark Hanna: Once in the morning, right afterward I piece of work out, so once correct later lunch.
Jordan Belfort: Actually?
Mark Hanna: I desire to. That's non why I practise it. I do it 'crusade I fucking *need* to. Think nearly it. Yous're dealing with numbers. All 24-hour interval long, decimal points, high frequencies. Bang, bang, bang.
[imitates squeaking]
Mark Hanna: fucking digits. All very acidic above-the-shoulders mustard shit. All correct? It kind of wigs some people out. Right? You gotta feed the geese to keep the blood flowing. I continue the rhythm below the chugalug.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Washed.
Mark Hanna: This is not a tip, this is a prescription. Trust me. If you don't, y'all will fall out of balance, split your differential and tip the fuck over. Or worse all the same, I've seen this happen, implode.
Jordan Belfort: No, I don't wanna implode, sir.
Marker Hanna: No. No, you don't.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: I'm in this for the long run, you know?
Marking Hanna: Implosions are ugly. Pop off to the bathroom, piece of work i out whatever fourth dimension y'all tin. When you get really good at it, you'll fucking be stroking and y'all'll exist thinking virtually money.
[first lines, in an advertisement]
Stratton Oakmont Commercial: The world of investing can be a jungle. Bulls. Bears. Danger at every plow. That'southward why nosotros at Stratton Oakmont pride ourselves on being the best. Trained professionals to guide you through the financial wilderness. Stratton Oakmont. Stability. Integrity. Pride.
Aunt Emma: Take chances is what keeps us young, isn't it, darling?
Jordan Belfort: [on getting arrested] I'g sober for two years, stopped my drugs, settled down with my married woman and kids, and so this happens! Rugrat gets disrepair down in Miami, and guess who happens to exist with him? Saurel! That's right, out of all the Swiss bankers in Miami, it had to be him! Even more fucked, is that he got busted for shit that had zippo to do with me. Information technology had nothing to fucking do with me! Some stuff about running drugs with Rocky Aoki, you lot know, the founder of Benihana? Benihana... Beni-fucking-hana? BENI-FUCKING-HANA? WHY? WHY, GOD? Why would You exist then savage every bit to use the king of Japanese restaurants to take me down?
Brad: [Donnie haphazardly gets out from car] Put the fucking car in the park, you impaired fucking idiot!
Donnie Azoff: [slurred speech] I can't... I can't shut this briefcase.
Brad: I fucking 24-hour interval. 1 fucking day, you couldn't keep it together?
Donnie Azoff: I'm fucked upwardly, Brad. Fucked up.
Brad: Gotta be fucking kidding me.
Donnie Azoff: [stands upwardly tall, smile] It's a joke!
Brad: Information technology's a joke?
Donnie Azoff: I'yard sober.
Brad: Jesus fucking Christ!
Jordan Belfort: [after shipwreck] The nice matter about being rescued by Italians is that they feed y'all, make you drink scarlet vino, then you get to dance.
Donnie Azoff: I don't wanna die, Jordan! I've done a lot of bad shit, I'chiliad going to hell!
Jordan Belfort: Give me a osculation, sweetheart.
Naomi Lapaglia: Jordan.
Jordan Belfort: Oh come up on, infant. I haven't made dearest to you in so long.
Naomi Lapaglia: No.
Jordan Belfort: Please.
Naomi Lapaglia: Jordan, end it.
[Jordan continues kissing her]
Naomi Lapaglia: No! Jordan, stop it!
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: [flashes to Hashemite kingdom of jordan having sex with Naomi] I love you so much.
Naomi Lapaglia: I fucking hate you, Jordan! Get off me!
Jordan Belfort: No, baby. Don't do that. You know how much I love you, right? Stop that sweetie, delight?
Naomi Lapaglia: [pauses] You wanna fuck me, Hashemite kingdom of jordan? You lot wanna fuck me? Good. Go at it. Get ahead and fuck me. I want y'all to fuck me real difficult. I want you to fuck me like it's the final fucking time. Come on.
Jordan Belfort: Infant, why you doing it like that?
Naomi Lapaglia: Because I want you to come for me, baby.
Jordan Belfort: Come up on, infant.
Naomi Lapaglia: Come for me, babe. I want y'all to come for me like it'southward the concluding fucking fourth dimension.
Jordan Belfort: Yeah?
Naomi Lapaglia: Yeah! Come up on, infant. Come for me. Come on, baby.
Jordan Belfort: Yeah? Want me to come for you?
Naomi Lapaglia: Yeah.
[Jordan forcefully finishes]
Jordan Belfort: Oh God! Oh!
[laughing]
Jordan Belfort: Oh baby. That was so fucking great.
Naomi Lapaglia: That was the concluding time.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: What do y'all hateful, baby?
Naomi Lapaglia: I hateful that was the terminal time we ever accept sex.
Marking Hanna: We don't start dialing at 9:30, because our clients are already answering the phone! 3... 2... 1, allow'south fuck!
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: The Quaalude, or lude, equally it is commonly referred to, was first synthesized in 1951 by an Indian doctor - that's dots, not feathers - equally a sedative, and was prescribed to stressed-out housewives with sleep disorders. But pretty soon, somebody figured out that if you resisted the urge to slumber for just fifteen minutes, you got a pretty kicking-ass high from information technology. Didn't take long for people to start abusing ludes, of class, and in 1982 the U.South. government "Schedule 1'd" them, forth with the balance of the world. Which meant there was just a finite amount of these things left. No shit. You tin't even buy them anymore. Yous people are all shit out of luck.
Donnie Azoff: You're a fucking pill dealer. I got five more just like you, bro.
Brad: Keep talking, y'all fucking slice of shit!
Donnie Azoff: And you know what else? You dress similar shit, and so fuck yous!
Brad: Fucking motherfucker!
[knocks Donnie unconscious]
Jordan Belfort: Oh! Jesus!
Brad: How near that, faggot? Who'south a faggot?
Jordan Belfort: [checks on Donnie] Y'all okay? Hey, pal.
Jordan Belfort: Await, I knew these guys weren't like Harvard MBAs. Robbie Feinberg, the Pinhead, took v years to stop loftier school. Alden Kupferberg, the Sea Otter, didn't even graduate. Chester Ming, the depraved China man, thought jujitsu was in Israel. Smartest of the agglomeration was Nicky Koskoff. He actually went to police force schoolhouse. I called him Rugrat because of his piece of shit hairpiece. Still, give them to me young, hungry, and stupid, and in no time, I'll make 'em rich.
Jordan Belfort: Mr. Hanna, yous're able to do drugs during the solar day and then still function, still do your task?
Mark Hanna: How the fuck else are you supposed to practice this chore? Cocaine and hookers, my friend.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: So yous listen to me and y'all listen well. Are you backside on your credit carte du jour bills? Proficient! Pick up the phone and start dialing! Is your landlord ready to adios you lot? Good! Option up the telephone and start dialing! Does your girlfriend recollect you lot're a fucking worthless loser? Good! Pick up the phone and start dialing! I want you to deal with your issues by becoming rich! All y'all accept to do today is option up that phone and speak the words that I accept taught y'all. And I will make you richer than the nearly powerful CEO in the United States of fucking America!
Jordan Belfort: [narration] Say what you will, but the Duchess did take manner. She brought in a decorator, feng shui'd the whole place. She fifty-fifty hired a gay butler. This guy was smart, sophisticated, professional. Really, really bang-up. Except for that once.
Naomi Lapaglia: [Naomi walks in on a gay orgy] Oh my God!
Nicholas the Butler: Oh, hey. Is it Wednesday already? Uh, what the fuck! That is fucked up!
Naomi Lapaglia: [to Jordan after the incident] He must take thought we were nonetheless at the Hamptons this weekend, you know.
Jordan Belfort: Right, right. Where were they doing it, sweetheart? In the bedroom?
Naomi Lapaglia: They were everywhere! There were two guys over there on the table. There were more over here. There were four right here.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Ugh! Are you lot fucking serious? Right there? Why didn't yous tell me, sweetheart?
Naomi Lapaglia: Baby, information technology gets worse. Later on they left I checked the apartment.
Donnie Azoff: [raves at Brad] You're gonna knock whose fucking teeth in? Whose fucking teeth are you gonna knock in? I put the money on that fucking tabular array, non you!
Jordan Belfort: He'southward got a gun, yous fucking idiot!
Donnie Azoff: Fuck his gun!
Chester Ming: I tin sell anything. Shit, I tin can sell lubes to a convent total of nuns, become 'em and then horny they'll exist fucking each other in the coffers.
Jordan Belfort: [Sees a young broker cleaning his fishbowl] What the fuck is that kid doing? What's he doing?
Donnie Azoff: The biggest IPO in this house's history, what the fuck is he doing?
Janet (Jordan's Assistant): Is he... is he wearing a bowtie?
Donnie Azoff: [Approaches the guy] Hi, how you doing?
Stratton Banker in a Bowtie: [timid] Good.
Donnie Azoff: Yous cleaning your fishbowl?
Stratton Broker in a Bowtie: I just, I had a infinitesimal and I...
Donnie Azoff: You had a minute? And today, you lot needed to make clean your fishbowl, today?
Stratton Broker in a Bowtie: I finished my paperwork and I was, just had a couple minutes.
Donnie Azoff: Okay, nice to see you.
[Pretends to walk away, but suddenly turns dorsum]
Donnie Azoff: On new issue day? On cocksucking, motherfucking new event twenty-four hour period? This is what yous do? Hey, everybody, heed upward! This is what happens when you fuck with your pets on new result day!
[Dangles the fish from the bowl by its tail and swallows it]
Donnie Azoff: Take your niggling bowtie... Become your shit, and become the fuck out of my role. You empathize?
Jordan Belfort: Become the fuck out!
Donnie Azoff: Everybody on betoken! We are here to brand money! Everybody on point!
Jordan Belfort: A real wolf pit, which is exactly how I liked it.
Jordan Belfort: Her pussy was similar heroin to me. And it wasn't just nigh the sexual practice either. Naomi and I got along. I mean, nosotros had like interests and shit.
Jordan Belfort: And in the instance of the telephone, it'due south upward to each and every i of yous, my highly-trained Strattonites. My killers, my killers who will not take no for an answer. My fucking warriors, who will not hang up the phone until their client either buys *or fucking dies!*
Jordan Belfort: You be ferocious! You lot be relentless! You exist telephone fucking terrorists! Now permit's knock this motherfucker out of the park!
Donnie Azoff: [masturbates to Naomi] Perfect...
Hildy Azoff: Donnie, what the fuck are you doing, you piece of shit?
[beats down Donnie]
Jordan Belfort: [to Naomi] You have to excuse my friend.
Naomi Lapaglia: Good morning, daddy. Where's my osculation?
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Hey, sweetheart! Does daddy go a kiss from both of his petty girls, huh?
Naomi Lapaglia: Oh no. No, daddy doesn't even get to bear on mommy for a very, very, very long time.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Daddy's really sorry about what he said in the other room. He didn't mean any of it.
Naomi Lapaglia: Daddy shouldn't waste his time. And from now on, it'southward gonna exist nothing only brusque, short skirts around the house. And you know something else, daddy? Mommy is just so sick and tired of wearing panties.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Yeah?
Naomi Lapaglia: Yeah. In fact, she's decided to throw them all away.
[opens legs]
Naomi Lapaglia: So take a adept look, daddy. You're gonna be seeing an atrocious lot of this effectually the house.
Jordan Belfort: Oh, baby. Yep mommy.
Naomi Lapaglia: But no touching.
Jordan Belfort: Ow.
Naomi Lapaglia: What's incorrect, daddy?
Jordan Belfort: Mmm, baby. Okay, mommy likes to play games with daddy. Mommy, have yous e'er noticed anything odd about Mr. Fuzzy Acquit over there? His eyes seem to be a little bit odd, don't they? Aye, there'south something a little bit dissimilar about his optics. Yes, I recollect it'southward true. Say hullo, mommy!
[waves to security camera]
Jordan Belfort: Say hi to Rocco and Rocco! Say hi! Hello, fellas!
Naomi Lapaglia: Fuck yous!
Jordan Belfort: [narration] Of all the fucking days, she chooses today to requite me bluish balls.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: FYI boys, Danielle has promised to use this $ten,000 for breast implants. She's already got C-cups, but now she wants FUCKIN' DOUBLE D'S!
Jordan Belfort: I felt horrible. 3 days after, I filed for a divorce and moved Naomi into the flat.
Jordan Belfort: I'm not ashamed to admit it. When we arrived to prison house, I was absolutely terrified. Just I needn't have been. See, for a brief fleeting moment, I'd forgotten I was rich and I lived in a identify where everything was for sale. Wouldn't you like to learn how to sell it?
Mark Hanna: Second key to success in this racket is this little baby right hither. It's called cocaine. Information technology'll keep y'all precipitous between the ears. Information technology'll likewise assistance your fingers dial faster. And guess what? That's good for me.
Mark Hanna: [reacting to market place crash] Holy... fucking... shit...
Jordan Belfort: [offers pen to Chester] Y'all tin sell anything? Sell that. Sell me that pen.
Chester Ming: Can I finish eating first? I haven't eaten all day.
Jordan Belfort: 25 grand to the first cocksucker to blast the bulls-centre!
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: And if anyone here thinks I'1000 superficial or materialistic, go get a chore at fucking McDonald's, 'cause that's where you fucking belong!
Jordan Belfort: [in narration] So I was sellin' them shit, but the way I looked at it, the money was improve off in my pocket.
Mark Hanna: We don't give two shits well-nigh how engineering works, 'crusade all we intendance almost is getting fucking RICH!
Jordan Belfort: But before you depart this room full of winners, I desire you to take a good await at the person adjacent to yous. Go along. Because onetime in the not-so-distant future, you're gonna exist pulling up at a ruby-red lite, in your mussed-up old fucking Pinto, and that person's gonna be pulling upward right alongside you in their brand new Porsche. With their beautiful married woman past their side, who'south got big voluptuous tits. And who're you gonna be sitting next to? Some icky wildebeest with iii days of razor-stubble, in a sleeveless muumuu, crammed in next to you in a carload full of groceries from the fucking Price Order. That's who you lot're gonna be sitting side by side to!
Jordan Belfort: Babe, I spoke to the lawyers again today. I have some really, really not bad news. Turns out you're completely off the hook, beloved.
Naomi Lapaglia: I know that already.
Jordan Belfort: Right! Exactly. In fact, y'all never did anything wrong in the first place. Turns out all the FBI really wants from me is to cooperate. You know? Turns out I accept so much information well-nigh the stock market place and Wall Street I tin save the government years of heartache. Not to mention endless dollars.
Naomi Lapaglia: Mhmm.
Jordan Belfort: Simply it gets even better, baby. Because if I do decide to cooperate I might simply looking at four short years. In which case, you know, nosotros could outset fresh. Perchance sell the business firm. And any fines that I have to pay wouldn't be due until after I've served my term, so nosotros'd still take plenty of money leftover.
Naomi Lapaglia: Mhmm.
Jordan Belfort: The only thing that of course bummed me out a little bit about this whole idea is having to give information about my friends.
Naomi Lapaglia: Well, similar you lot said there'due south no friends on Wall Street. Right?
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Correct! Correct, exactly. And so at that place'southward a silver lining to that too, honey. Because they said eventually everyone's going to have to give information on this case and then at the end of the day it might not fifty-fifty be a factor.
Naomi Lapaglia: Well that's good news. right?
Jordan Belfort: Yeah! Aye.
Naomi Lapaglia: I'm really happy for you lot.
Jordan Belfort: What practice you mean happy for me? Sweetheart, yous should be happy for the both of us. Right?
Naomi Lapaglia: Yeah. Correct.
Jordan Belfort: Even more than fucked was that he got busted for shit that had nil to with me. It had null to fucking do with me. Something nearly laundering drug money through offshore boat racing and a guy named Rocky Aoki, you know the founder of Benihanna. Benihanna, Beni fucking hanna. Beni fucking hanna!. Why why why god, why would you be then savage as to cull a concatenation of fucking hibachi restaurants to have me down!
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Gentlemen, welcome to Stratton Oakmont. You snooks will now be targeting the wealthiest ane% of Americans. We're talking about whales hither, Moby fucking Dicks. And with this script, which is your new harpoon, I'm gonna teach each and every ane of you to be Captain fucking Ahab.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: It was a madhouse, a greed fest, with equal parts cocaine, testosterone, and body fluids. It got and then bad, I had to declare the part a fuck-free zone between the hours of 9 and 7.
Jordan Belfort: What we're gonna do is this: offset nosotros pitch 'em Disney, AT&T, IBM, blueish flake stocks exclusive. Companies these people know. In one case nosotros sucker them in, we unload the dog shit.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Coin doesn't just buy y'all a better life - better food, amend cars, better pussy - it as well makes you a better person. You tin give generously to the church or political party of your choice. You can save the fucking spotted owl with money.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: Y'all know, every time someone rises up in this world, there's e'er gonna be some asshole trying to drag 'em down.
Hashemite kingdom of jordan Belfort: This is our golden ticket to the fuckin' Chocolate Factory, right hither. And I wanna meet Willy fuckin' Wonka, okay? I wanna be with the fuckin' Oompa Loompas!
Jordan Belfort: It turned out the British weren't too different from the Swiss. Money talks and bullshit takes the bus.
Jordan Belfort: Of course, later on the bachelor party, me, the Duke, needed a few penicillin shots and so he could safely consummate the matrimony.
Jordan Belfort: Then, Bay Ridge, that's near Staten Island, correct?
Naomi Lapaglia: Brooklyn. Across the Verrazano'southward Bridge.
Jordan Belfort: Saturday Nighttime Fever territory.
Naomi Lapaglia: That's correct! Guinea Gulch. We call the Verrazano'due south Bridge the Republic of guinea Gangplank.
Jordan Belfort: So, I presume you're Italian.
Naomi Lapaglia: On my Dad's side. I'm as well Dutch, German, English. I'm a mutt.
Jordan Belfort: You're a mutt.
Naomi Lapaglia: Yep. I still have family over there, though. In London. My Aunt Emma. She'southward the all-time. Very British, you know. She's a classy lady.
Jordan Belfort: That explains it then.
Naomi Lapaglia: Explains what?
Jordan Belfort: Explains you lot. I mean, you're a duchess right, the Duchess of Bay Ridge.
Manny Riskin: Listen to me, if y'all piss upward the SEC's leg, you lot end up with your tits in a wringer.
Jordan Belfort: Actually, the madness started on our very offset twenty-four hour period, when ane of our brokers, Ben Jenner, christened the elevator by getting a accident chore from the sales assistant. Her name was Pam and to her credit, she did have this amazing technique with this wild twisting jerk motion. Virtually a month later, Donnie and I decided to double team her on a Saturday afternoon while our wives were out shopping for Christmas presents. Eventually Ben married her, which was pretty amazing, considering she blew every unmarried guy in the office. Well, he got depressed and killed himself nigh iii years afterwards.
Bo Dietl: He's a Boy Watch! He thinks you're fuckin' Gordon Gekko.
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